Tuesday, July 30, 2013

"Three words that became hard to say"...

"I and Love and You".

I've been contemplating what it means to love someone and to be loved by another person; how you show your love and how you receive it.

I find it very hard to tell people that I love them. No matter how much I actually do, I always seem to have a hesitation to actually saying the words aloud to another person. I've never been the first to say it in a relationship (even though I probably felt it first) and I don't say it as often to my friends and family as I should or would like to.

Maybe it's the vulnerability that comes with it, and a bit of responsibility as well. You make yourself vulnerable to sharing a very strong feeling with another person, that (particularly at its first utterance) may not feel the same way. Then if you are on the receiving end of another's love, you gain a kind of responsibility to that person. You hold a part of them in a way, and you have to figure out the best way to be the carrier of that part.

I want to rid myself of this hesitation to saying I love you. Particularly since I feel that there are quite a few people whom I love that I've never told before, and I think one of the biggest regrets that a person can have is having loved someone but then never took the time to risk telling them. Also, for the future as well....If I'm lucky enough to find a guy to be with, whether it be temporary or forever, I want to be able to say it without feeling vulnerable, or without fear of what might not be said in return. Granted, on the flip side of that coin I know it won't be easy for me to do for vulnerability is not my strong suit.


Canon Logic- Mountain






Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Strayed...

I'm very much the kind of person that loves quotes. All sorts. Funny, inspirational, thought provoking, silly ect.... because of this I end up marking and highlighting my books from time to time. Highlighting things that stick out to me in a number of different ways.

So I thought I would share with you a paragraph from I book that read recently called Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail.

In a short summary, the author, Cheryl Strayed, decides to hike the PCT after a string of hardships that happen in her life. The book chronicles her hardships in life before and during her time on the trail. It's very good if I do say so myself.

ANYWAY

In this section she is talking about the moment during her divorce where she is deciding on what she wants her last name to be...

"I pondered the question of my last name, mentally scanning words that sounded good with Cheryl and making lists of characters from novels I admired. Nothing fit until one day when the word strayed came into my mind. Immediately, I looked it up in the dictionary and knew it was mine. Its layered definitions spoke directly to my life and also struck a poetic chord: to wander from the proper path, to deviate from the direct course, to be lost, to become wild, to be without a mother or father, to be without a home, to move about aimlessly in search of something, to diverge or digress. 

        I had diverged, digressed, wandered, and become wild. I didn't embrace the word as my new name because it defined negative aspects of my circumstances or life, but because even in my darkest days-those very days in which I was naming myself-I saw the power of the darkness. Saw that, in fact, I had strayed and that I was a stray and that from the wild places my straying had brought me, I knew things I couldn't have known before." Pg. 96-97

Anyway, this bit stuck out to me so I thought I would share it. Take from it what you may, and I hope you enjoyed it. :)

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Bloggers Block

To say that I've had writers block would be an understatement. I'm not sure if it's the mixture of being a bit busy with a side of some rather not so fun decisions that needed to be made, or if it's something else entirely. I can't count how many times I've opened a blank post, and just been at a complete loss as to what to write. It's not even that I haven't had things on my mind either. There has been quite a bit actually, but for some reason when I go to write, words just seem to fail me. I've even slacked on writing in my personal journal, which I write in fairly religiously. Maybe it's that my thoughts haven't been completely explored yet, and that's why I can't write. I haven't fully investigated them, and because I do not have full understanding of them yet, I am not able to write them down. Or I'm in denial...that's also an option.

But anyway, this has taken a very somber turn so let's turn it around with something completely irrelevant, shall we?

I've found lately that I kind of miss sharing my bed with someone. Not in a sexual way, but just having another person to lay in bed with. To have someone to wake up to in the morning. To have someone to curl up to in the evening. Is that strange? Fun fact: I love to be read to, and I love just laying in bed listening to someone reading a loud. That would be nice too.

This post makes no sense.



Video about woodworking which makes me want to learn even more than I wanted to before.
The Staves- Icarus ( Dead & Born & Grown)
Because they are awesome.