I've been contemplating what it means to love someone and to be loved by another person; how you show your love and how you receive it.
I find it very hard to tell people that I love them. No matter how much I actually do, I always seem to have a hesitation to actually saying the words aloud to another person. I've never been the first to say it in a relationship (even though I probably felt it first) and I don't say it as often to my friends and family as I should or would like to.
Maybe it's the vulnerability that comes with it, and a bit of responsibility as well. You make yourself vulnerable to sharing a very strong feeling with another person, that (particularly at its first utterance) may not feel the same way. Then if you are on the receiving end of another's love, you gain a kind of responsibility to that person. You hold a part of them in a way, and you have to figure out the best way to be the carrier of that part.
I want to rid myself of this hesitation to saying I love you. Particularly since I feel that there are quite a few people whom I love that I've never told before, and I think one of the biggest regrets that a person can have is having loved someone but then never took the time to risk telling them. Also, for the future as well....If I'm lucky enough to find a guy to be with, whether it be temporary or forever, I want to be able to say it without feeling vulnerable, or without fear of what might not be said in return. Granted, on the flip side of that coin I know it won't be easy for me to do for vulnerability is not my strong suit.
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