On Being Restless, and Other Random Tales.

On more than one occasion in the past few weeks I have found myself in this very position. Sitting on my bed, comforter wrapped around my legs and waist, something playing in the background, waiting for the right words to flow through my hands, to the keys of my computer to shape and form a written document of what exactly has been streaming through my thoughts. It's as if I can't organize my thoughts into one coherent, free flowing idea . There is a buzzing of ideas, thoughts, and images that if they were to be expressed in sound it would equate to that of a colony of bees. I find myself drifting off, daydreaming of what my future has in store for me; jumping from thought to thought. 

A few weeks ago I took my neighbors dog out for a run. It was fairly early, maybe 8am or so, and the weather best described as glum by most. The clouds were grey, hiding the newly risen sun, a slight fog hung in the air, with rain misting ever so slightly. As we came around a corner of the path that passes by a series of small ponds, I could not help but smile. It was strange, and I was glad that no one else was around to see me because I felt so strange to have a kind of sudden rush of misfit emotion. For a brief moment, I had a flash of what I want my future to be like. The idea that someday, I would be able to take my dog (my future pup) out for an early morning run, in a place that was quiet, and surrounded by sights and smells that make me feel at ease. I know that's strange, and I recognized it at the time as well. 

Since that day, it seems as if my mind just won't quiet. I keep thinking about things I want to do, the way I want to live, the goals I want to accomplish, and it's all caused me to feel very restless. I keep wondering if what I am doing now is going to help lead me to all of those things. Am I going in the right direction, or do I need to change my course? I've always been a very nostalgic person, longing for either the past or future, even though I feel like as if I also live in the moment, so this kind of thing isn't completely unusual for me. However, when I am feeling particularly restless, these things flair up. 

I recognize that I need a change. Now, in what form I'm not completely sure. I do have some idea, and that might be a blog post for a later date, once it's better formed, and if I deem it acceptable for the internet to know. 

Noah Gundersen- "Ledges"