Comparison: The most insincere form of flattery

How many times have I come across a post or article entitled something like"27 things every twenty something needs to hear" is far too many to count. In every single one of those posts and articles one of those "things to hear" is how not to compare you or your life to others around your age. They say 'everyone progresses in different ways and takes different paths. Don't weigh your self worth on where you think you should be in comparison to others! You rock the path you are walking now and be proud!'. Well, random articles targeted to the 20-something population, you can kiss my ass.

I know the sentiment is true. Yes, it's true that you shouldn't compare where you are in life to others. There is no right or wrong way to which path you chose to take, or how long that path may be, however I'd love to hear that from someone who's not getting paid to write such things. As a twenty-something who's currently experiencing feelings of great envy towards others who "have their shit together" I can't stand to read those articles.

It's frustrating being in one place and desperately wanting to change your situation but feel as though you cant do anything about it. I'm about to start my last year of graduate school, and it's going to be an stressful year. I'm required for my program to complete two, unpaid, internships; one part time, the second full time. This means at least for the second internship, I will not be able to work a job that brings me any income of significance. This fact alone was stressful enough, but now I have, at most, 10 weeks in the current job that I hold due to the company going out of business. Meaning, if I can't find another job within 10 weeks or so, I may not have any active income...yay.

I've had this post sitting in edit mode for a little while now. I start looking at it and adding to it, and then stopping because it feels so negative, and I hate being overly negative. However, I think I need to just let it be said. Thinking about all of this is stressful; a great understatement really. I'm very much at a point in my life where I am ready to take the next step into adulthood, in a few ways actually. I'm ready to start my career, but I feel so much apprehension, and even a bit of bitterness towards it now. When it feels like you've been working and doing all of these things to get you through to the next step, and then you trip. You trip, and suddenly instead of looking at the finish line straight ahead, you are seeing it from the ground, and getting back up hurts, it's embarrassing, and the other runners are passing you by. It makes it difficult to see why you should finish the race at all, I mean it doesn't seem like you are going to win, so why keep running?

All that being said, I know I will 'finish the race' as it were. I've come to far and have done too much work not to, however these past few weeks have not been easy. Trying not to compare yourself to others is hard, especially when you feel like you are working towards a goal. I know I will get through this time and, if anything, learn more about myself than I would have, had I not been faced with this challenge. I'm attempting to hold on to that idea, and waiting to see this thing through. Let's hope the final goal is all worth the wait.

I year and 52 stories: A challenge

So over the past few years, my boyfriend and I have taken to serving up a little friendly competition between the two of us. On average, actually every challenge, he has bested me! While this year we are still continuing some of our traditional challenges, this year we decided to add a new one to the mix. We each had been discussing how we have felt to be in a bit of a creative slump when it comes to writing, made very clear by the state of my blog (sorry to anyone who may actually read it!). So, to remedy this situation we have come up with a bit of a push to get our creative juices flowing.

For this year's challenge he and I will be sending each other a writing prompt of our choosing every Wednesday morning. Then, the other will have a week to write a response to the prompt that we have been given. The prompts I will be giving him will be coming from the 642 Things to Write Journal, and the prompts he will be giving me are from the 712 Things to Write Journal. 

Now, whether or not there will be consequences if we do not fulfill the prompt on time, has yet to be discussed, along with some other little bits, but has that is defined I will update you here. If you would like to follow my boyfriends postings, which I highly suggest, he will be posting them to his Tumblr which you can find here. I may also post my responses to my tumblr in addition to my blog here, but that has yet to be decided.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the posts to come, and let the writing begin!

Slightly Bitter and Single. Party of One.

For a long time I was a firm believer in the whole "age is just a number" thing when it comes to relationships. However, after some personal experience with the idea, I beg to differ. A little while ago I was dating a guy who was a good bit older than I. He was cute, sweet, and we had a lot in common....however....there was just a lack of that spark that you need in a relationship. At first I thought it was because of bad timing, however after some thought I realized that wasn't the case. He was just too old for me. We were at two different points in our lives, and I feel that after a while he realized that as well. He had experienced much more than I, and while he never made me feel young, the fact was that I WAS young compared to him. Luckily, we are still friends but we won't ever be more than that, and for good reason. I took this as a lesson learned and looked to move forward.

Now if we fast forward to today, I'm standing in a somewhat similar position. Sort of. 

A few weeks back a friend who I met in undergrad got in contact with me. We were in the same major and had a large number of classes together. I never thought of him as anything other than a friend, and that still holds true today. However, he has expressed an interest in me before, but I made it clear that I didn't see him in that light, and I thought he was cool with that. However, in recent exchanges with me he as made references to me being "the one" and "that girl" and not only is it really confusing since I've never dated this guy, nor have I led him to believe that I wanted to, but it's also really uncomfortable. He is being really adamant about taking me out to lunch, and I'm super reluctant because I'm very confused on his possible intentions. He's a good friend, but not only is he too old for me, but I'm just not attracted to him. I hate saying that because I know it sounds really shallow, but it's just not there for me. 

I'm so confused as to why a guy so much older than me can think that I would have something to bring to the table in a relationship. I don't mean this in a self-deprecating way, but the fact is that we are in two very different places in our lives. He has had a career, an ex-wife, and a life that has a much longer story than mine. My story, in a way, is only really beginning, and his has a good few chapters. Now, while that is not a bad thing, it just makes it very hard for me to understand why he could think that we would ever work. 

And now I have found myself getting a little frustrated not only with him, but at my dating karma as well. I've been single for a good while now, and I'm ready to date someone seriously. However, it's as if I am either interested in someone who has no interest in me, or someone is interested in me, but I do not feel the same way about them. It feels like I'm constantly just missing the mark in either direction, and after a while it starts to get to you. I feel that most single people are expected to be happy about being single. Now this is not to say I am not happy, because I am content with being single, it doesn't really bother me most of the time, but I feel like you are also expected not to care. It's kind of looked down on if you express that you want to be in a relationship. Some view you as being desperate or lonely, and I just don't think that is the case. It's just that it gets really frustrating from time to time. I start to wonder if it's something to do with me, and thus starts the lame, but usually short lived cycle of questions that include; Am I boring? Not attractive? Too fat? Not girly enough? Too shy? and yada yada yada. All the stuff in retrospect that I am dumb for thinking about, but I can't deny that I have my days where it just kind of stinks. 

So what's a girl to do? Your guess is as good as mine. 

“Suddenly she realized that what she was regretting was not the lost past but the lost future, not what had not been but what would never be.”- F. Scott Fitzgerald, A Nice Quiet Place